How to Deal with an Alcoholic Daughter
Drug and alcohol prevention programs don’t help parents understand how to deal with an alcoholic daughter. They are primarily based on education and awareness, which, in theory, is supposed to achieve higher levels of abstinence. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Additionally, traditional, prevention thinking dictates that teenagers abuse alcohol because they are seeking pleasure. This is also categorically false. Lastly, conventional thinking espouses that teenagers use alcohol to fit in. To some extent, this is true. However, the bigger questions are; why do they feel the need to fit in, and what made them adopt that thinking in the first place?
The bottom line is this; alcoholism is generated in family, relationship dynamics. Various patterns such as control, verbal, physical and sexual abuse as well as part-time and substance abuse parenting reduce self-esteem, distort personal identity, diminish personal power, escalate, anxiety, stress and/or depression, and, ultimately, lead to alcohol abuse. Putting aside the more severe patterns of dysfunction such as physical and sexual abuse, most parents, inadvertently, control and verbally abuse their children, or they show up part-time for a full-time job. To make matters worse, many parents over the past several decades have shielded their children from adversity, instilled a sense of entitlement, and have painted a distorted view of a politically incorrect world. The fact is; there are all kinds of spiders in this world. If you fail to prepare your child to face and defeat them, alcohol or drug abuse is likely to follow.
If your daughter is abusing alcohol, do not pull the rug out from under her. There is absolutely zero love in tough love. Furthermore, do not force treatment. It is rarely successful, and the teenagers and young adults who participate resent their parents for it. In the end, these actions only magnify and intensify the problem. If you want to learn how to deal with an alcoholic daughter, you must understand the components of alcoholism. Think of alcoholism as a machine, which contains four gears that synchronize and mesh together. On the bottom, you will find the Generator gear, which is comprised of family, relationship dynamics. This gear feeds the second, or Catalyzer cog, which encompasses self-esteem, personal power, personal identity and meaning/purpose. These are negatively charged and mesh with the 3rd or Paralyzer gear. The Paralyzer gear contains emotional deterrents such as fear, anger, regret and shame as well as false narratives and personal agendas. These provide excuses and motives to continue abusing alcohol. On the fourth level, you will find the Driver gear, which houses anxiety, emotional distress and depression. The drivers prompt emotional escape or self-medication. If you want to learn how to deal with an alcoholic daughter, you must start at the bottom and address the underlying causes at each level.
3 Steps for Dealing with an Alcoholic Daughter
To learn how to deal with an alcohol daughter, follow each of the steps below. For a more detailed plan, download my free e-book on the home page.
Step 1 – Taking Responsibility
Do your part as a parent. Be willing to make some positive changes. Unearth and eliminate the pattern of family, relationship dynamics, which caused your daughters alcohol addiction. Help her dissolve the anxiety, emotional distress or depression it has caused.
Step 2 – Setting Boundaries
Refrain from using negative boundaries or issuing ultimatums. Instead, set positive, growth-oriented boundaries, which will lead to positive changes – ones that don’t include alcohol abuse.
Step 3 – Coaching Your Child
Seize every opportunity to coach and mentor your child. Help her boost self-esteem and establish a personal brand. Become the influencer-in-chief in your daughter’s life.
For additional reading, check out my other posts below:
For the complete three-step plan, which will show you, exactly, how to deal with an alcoholic daughter, download my free e-guide “The Addiction-Free Kid Blueprint, Revealed” on the content side bar far right.